I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
