I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize