May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
