we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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