Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
