How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
