My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
