Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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