onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
