So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
