So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
