i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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