What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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