I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
