someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
