Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
