U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
