Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
