I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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