I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
