your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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