Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
