You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I supernannyed him into submission
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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