I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize