Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
