I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
