Non-Jews are for practice
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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