do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
