I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
