Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
