I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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