His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
