she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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