I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
