Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
