hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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