her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
