it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
