So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
