honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
