he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
