its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we're so committed to being not committed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
