I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
