can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you inspire me to be a worse person
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize