im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
