I am spending my child support on dildos
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
