She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
