We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
