I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
