I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
His nipple licking is glorious
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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