i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
