Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
