We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize