My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
