somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
