he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Ladies don't puke and tell
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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