Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
