if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
