I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
