You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
