Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
