she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
