I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
