Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
