If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
