Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
