I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
