We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
